Twenty-Eight Minutes 5/19/14 Blog

     I walk into the empty living room and sit down at the kitchen table across from my mother. Boxes line the blank walls filled with the belongings acquired in the first seven months of the Gambee family's residence in Colorado. My mom looks around and taps her foot nervously, trying to find more things to pack away before the big move in the coming week. Once my waving hand finally grabs her attention, she focuses in on the computer screen in front of her where I have just pulled up the poem. Soon her eyes dart to my phone laying on the table, the phone that is anxiousness waiting to remember every note that comes out of her mouth. "Do you really have to record me?" She says with self-conscious grin. After a smart-mouthed comment from her eldest, she begins to read the poem. I study her as the lines across her face morph from confusion to contemplation and back over and over again. After a minute or so, she continues to look at the screen, but I know she is finished reading; only thinking. "Well, it's about racism," she explains. I ask for a little more detail; "how did it make you feel? What thoughts popped into your head?" Were just a few of my thought provokers. She explains how she immeaditly felt lucky to be an American. Patriotic.
      "I couldn't imagine being part of this horror," she said. "The poem never directly explains any obvious suffering, what made you think there was?" I respond. She reads me a line from the poem and explains to me why she thinks it is so awful."Wow," I say. "I never thought about it like that," She goes on to put a new perspective of the poem that I am studying into my mind. My mom found it to be very violent and brutal; something I had not seen yet in "Durban, South Africa - Some Notations of Value," by Chris Abani. After she clarified with me what Abattoirs are, she tells me that she thinks that the stanza about the slather-houses are really related to the way that the minorities were treated during apartheid. As well as how the "death skipping between the children," (Abani 26), is about the fear that all people felt during this awful time. After a remark that almost sounded defensive over the line "here, women are older than God," (Abani 12), she moved on from the dark parts of the poem.
       One thing I've always admired about my mom is how she finds the positives in everything. Even in a poem as apparently dark as this one she looked for the rays of light in it. "Yet love hums like tuning forks," (Abani 15), is the line she studies next. "See! They still have hope," She says with a certain type of joyful melancholy I doubt I'll ever understand. I ask her another question, "What images came to your mind when reading this? What do you think about?" "When I first started reading it, I thought of South African beaches and the shiny city, but towards the end it shifted to a darker place. Like a mystery movie." Mystery movie. I found that an interesting choice of words. Maybe a horror or crime movie, but a mystery? This is why conversations like this are good; it truly helps to have another look at something this symbolic and metaphorical. We sit quietly for a moment while we wait for the next subject to begin out of our mouths. I scratch my hand while my mother's eyes flicker over the electronic paper on the screen for the hundredth time. My mind starts to wander to other homework that I must do before the night ends when my brother walks into the room.
    "Sam, what do you think about this poem?" My mom asks, desperate for some new inspiration. My brother steps over a moving box to look at the screen. "I don't know, I'm not gonna read that. I just came to grab a snack. I have more homework," He says, annoyed. "Forget it," his mother replies. "Figures," his brother replies. I look over my copy of the poem and ask about a word I'm still unsure about. "The dance workout?" She questions when I ask her about the use of the word "Zumba" in the poem. I explained how I couldn't find the historical significance of the word and maybe she would know. She didn't. "I don't really know what else to add. How much more do you need for your assignment?" She asks. My brother walked by crunching on some form of a carb he grabbed from the pantry. "I think this is good. Thanks mom," I conclude. "No problem, honey," She adds with a kiss on the top of my head. She walks off with a hint of pride in her step. Not because of her intelligence, but because of the intelligence she thinks I have. She is a proud mom, something that no one can ever take away from her. I know I don't deserve her help, but I accept it willingly. I realize as I begin to write that her input helped explain the poem to me from a whole new level. I write a few notes then hear the door open and see my dad walk in from work. "I think I'll call that a day," I think to myself as I close the ears of the little piece of technology on the table who just listened to every sound made during this 28 minute and 51 second period of fulfillment.
     

   

"Durban, South Africa - Some Notatations of Value" Research BP #37 5-13-14

     Chris Abani, the author of "Durban, South Africa - Some Notations of Value," was born on December 27, 1966 in Afikpo, Nigeria. Abani was born from a white mother and a native Igbo father. After a brief residence in England, his family moved back to Nigeria where Abani first gained an interest in writing. At the age of ten, Abani had his first piece published; a short-story called Masters of the Board. Many of Abani's writings were based around the emotions felt after suffering much abuse from his violent father. Many authors probably use harsh emotions felt from a young age as inspiration for writings;both positive and negative. After Abani's publication of his book Masters of the Board, this happened;  "Because the narrative recounts the attempt of an ex-Nazi officer to seize power in Nigeria, the country's real-life authorities accused Abani of providing the blueprint for a failed coup against the Babangida regime in late 1985 – an absurd claim devised after the purported leader of the conspiracy, General Vatsa, was found in possession of the book ('A Reading by Chris Abani'). Following these allegations, the writer was sent to prison, where he spent a total of six months ('Author's Note', Kalakuta Republic, 9)." (The Chris Abani Biography). Only a few years later, Abani was sent to prison again after writing Sirocco. Abani's fearlessness to write about real-life problems and face the consequences provided him the reputation of rebel and traitor, yet he really was trying to open the eyes of the natives. His books were burned countless times before the authorities recognized Abani's truth and lifted the ban on his literature. A few other interesting notes about Abani include; his flute and trumpet playing skills, his American collegiate degrees, and his interest with the many religious conflicts of the Igbo people.   
   The poem I chose is "Durban, South Africa - Some Notations of Value." This poem is a recollection of Abani's journey to South Africa where he noticed the old marks of past violence. He speaks about noticing the previous blood-lust of the Zumba people and how it's affects on the culture still remain. A racial divide split the city when Abani visited, separating the blacks and the whites. Abani also alludes to the sadness on each persons face, hinting that the racism and past violence make them perpetually feeling the "weight of the dead." Abani uses deep symbolism and incredible language to describe the weather, atmosphere, and landscape of his surroundings. Describing the shadows of clouds as the ghosts of whale and the rocks as metal giraffes. In conclusion,  "Durban, South Africa - Some Notations of Value," is an incredibly analytic adventure that opens the eyes of every reader to the realness of racism of South Africa's past. 

It Takes a Child BP #36 Siddhartha Essay

     One of the hardest things in life is loving and believing in yourself while still remaining humble. Humility, or selflessness, is a quality that is very important; yet it is becoming increasingly rare in the world. In Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha, the main character Siddhartha has many interactions with his own and others humility. Siddhartha's deep love for himself and the things he believes in often makes him seem prideful and very stubborn, however he sees himself in a very good light. Hesse gives an excellent look into one man's journey from confusion into total peace, while including the importance and struggles of humility along the way. Siddhartha portrays many contrasting examples of the causes and effects of humility on the individual as well as the society that the individual influences.
    
     Siddhartha's intense desire to further increase his inner peace and individualized religious needs was not an attempt to make himself better than anyone else. However, he was so focused on improving himself, he forgot to care about anyone else. "From this moment when the world around him melted away and left him as solitary as a star in the sky, from this moment of cold and despondency, Siddhartha emerged, more firmly Self than before, solidified," (Hesse 37). This line describes just one of the times when Siddhartha completely disconnects from everything and focuses on only himself. This act is not always bad, but until later in his life, Siddhartha only has major revolutions when he forgets everything but himself and the path he is walking. One would imagine that the absence of a best friend would be a reason for grief, but Siddhartha takes the opportunity to improve on himself instead. The first time that Siddhartha shows any care for someone other than himself is when he finds out that he has a son. "But tell me, how can I release him into the world when his heart is so ungentle to begin with?" (Hesse 101). When Siddhartha's son runs away, he realizes that a part of him is running away. Perhaps this is true fatherly love, or perhaps it could is that Siddhartha is so obsessed with himself that he does not want any piece of him running away "ungentle." It is apparent from the moment they meet that Siddhartha and his son have different ideas of what it means to live; and this works against Siddhartha's compassion the entire time. Once his son is gone, Siddhartha still feels pity for himself and continues to want to help only that. "A number of the travelers... had a son or a daughter with them, and he was never able to look at them without feeling envy... so many, many thousands enjoy this precious sort if happiness, why can't I?" (Hesse 108). The normal reaction to this situation would be to worry about the piece of your flesh and blood that is wandering helplessly throughout the world, yet Siddhartha continues to try and fix the ones around him by fixing himself. Siddhartha's selfishness had an extreme effect on himself and his journey, however the way it may have hurt the ones around him was even worse.
  
     When Siddhartha first tells his father that he wants to run away and become a Samana, his father is in shock. Siddhartha decided that the best way for him to find himself is to leave his whole family and join the group of wanderers. "It is not fitting for a Brahmin to utter sharp, angry words.  But my heart is filled with displeasure," (Hesse 9). Siddhartha's father had Siddhartha's life all lined up; he could have become a wealthy religious figure in India yet he threw it away by leaving his family. His father had shown Siddhartha nothing but love and happiness his whole life and is now slapped with the realization that his son is leaving forever. Siddhartha's father is not the only person that his selfishness hurt. When Siddhartha meats Kamala, a local prostitute, they fall deeply in love. Kamala wants to stay with him forever, but Siddhartha persists that he must continue his journey on his own. "Even now you [Siddhartha] do not love me; you love no one. Is it not so?" (Hesse 63). Kamala deeply loves him and even says that she wants to bear his child, which she eventually does. Siddhartha explains that he, nor she, can love truly and that he must move on in search of himself. Govinda is with Siddhartha in the beginning, then is reunited with him in the end. When Siddhartha reaches Nirvana, Govinda is right by his side watching it. Siddhartha may have finally used his unconscious selfish acts and his goal of total inner-peace to do some good; teach Govinda what Siddhartha couldn't seem to get right. "Deeply Govinda bowed, tears of which he knew nothing coursed down his face, and like a fire the feeling of the most ardent love, the most humble reverence was burning in his heart," (Hesse 126). Govinda is the most humble character in the entire story; he never once questions Siddhartha's actions and follows him to the very end while asking nothing in return. Watching Siddhartha go through his entire path made Govinda realize what it means to be a true friend; the only triumph that Siddhartha's journey had to anyone other than him.

     Siddhartha's journey could have been very different if he did not focus so much on the Self. For example, Gandhi's life was based around taking punishment for the good of his people. Siddhartha's was avoiding punishment for the good of himself. People swarmed to go see the Buddha when he spoke, rarely did someone travel to listen to Siddhartha teach. However when someone does listen to Siddhartha's advice, it is something that everyone deserves to hear. "...when you throw a stone into the water, it hurries by the swiftest possible path to the bottom. It is like this when Siddhartha has a goal, a resolve," (Hesse 53). This quote was used to help Kamala understand that Siddhartha had to move on in his path. However, after this one moment of great teaching, he soon returns to his old mindset. Siddhartha was so wrapped up in his opinions about the world that he did not even feel strongly about listening to Buddha. "He felt no great curiosity to hear this doctrine. He did not think it would teach him anything new..." (Hesse 25). Siddhartha believed that listing to the person that taught many of his beliefs would not be of any benefit to him. He wanted only to make his own opinions of life and keep them to himself. Siddhartha rationalizes his actions by explaining to Buddha that he is only focused on himself to keep his opinions safe from others.  "It is not fitting for me to pass judgement on another's life! Only for myself, for myself alone, must I judge..." (Hesse 31). Siddhartha thinks that keeping to himself will allow others to have their own paths, but does not recognize that his thoughts are incredibly brilliant and that they would more likely to good to those who would listen.

Selfishness and humility are not very far apart, and Siddhartha verges on the edge of the two for the entire novel put together by Hermann Hesse. Although Siddhartha's goals were always meant to be good, they benefited few except for him. He had the ability to be a fantastic teacher and leader of all things strong, yet decided to use his talents to find his own inner-peace. Siddhartha is a great example of how humility has always been an important part of society. Kamala, Govinda, and Siddhartha's father were all affected by Siddhartha's selfish journey. The saddest part is probably that Siddhartha had the ability to touch the heart of everyone he passed, but squandered away. It is quite remarkable that readers of this novel would believe that Siddhartha is really the Buddha, they have some minor similarities but are missing the main piece; the violently passionate desire to change everything for the better. 

Durban, South Africa - Some Notations of Value

 

Durban, South Africa -- Some Notations of Value

 

Metal giraffes march up the bluff

toward the lighthouse. In the moonlight,

whales, or their ghosts, litter the sand.

There is a museum by the park that houses

apartheid; contained in stiff wax dummies.

The tour bus stops on the road’s edge.

On the right a black town, the left Indian.

Pointing he says: This is the racial divide.

Stopping at the bar, the drink menu offers—

Red’s Divas only five rand each.

Each night the pounding sea reminds me

that, here, women are older than God.

These people carry their dead with them,

plastering them onto every met face.

Yet love hums like turning forks

and the fading spreading sound

is the growth of something more.

Their absence is loud and I long

for the confetti flutter of butterflies.

Abattoirs litter the landscape with the sinister

air of murder, signs proclaiming: Zumba Butchery,

as though this is where the Zumba’s blood-

lust got the better of them.

The air conditioner in my room hums

a dirge to a sea too busy spreading rumors.

Death skips between street children

playing hopscotch in the traffic.

The woman singing in Zulu, in a Jamaican bar,

is calling down fire, calling down fire.

There is no contradiction.

Find Each Other 3-5-14 BP #34

     Herman Hesse's Siddhartha does an excellent job of making the reader truly feel the emotion of Siddhartha and others. Never have I read a piece of literature before that makes the reader feel this strong a sense of empathy. One example of this is how Hesse describes Siddhartha's emotions after his son leaves him. "For a long time his wound continued to smart. A number of the travelers Siddhartha ferried across the river had a son or daughter with them, and he was never able to look at them without feeling envy, without thinking, So many, many thousands enjoy this most precious sort of happiness; why can't I?" (Hesse 108). Siddhartha is finally beginning to think about others than himself and is taking it very hard. Before meeting his son, Siddhartha was able to solve every problem internally; now, he can't control how everything happens in his life. Another example of empathy is at the very end when Govinda realizes that Siddhartha is dying/achieving Nirvana and feels sad. "Deeply Govinda bowed, tears of which he knew nothing coursed down his old face, and like a fire the feeling of the most ardent love, the most humble reverence was burning in his heart," (Hesse 126). This quote, although sad, is very beautiful and uplifting. Govinda loves his friend so much that seeing him go is almost like losing a piece of himself. This sense of love and passion from a character in a book is one way that Hesse's writing is so incredible.

  Another theme I found interesting in Siddhartha is the theme of selflessness towards Siddhartha. Siddhartha is clearly a selfless man however he is shown much humility as well. For example, the ferry driver, Vasudeva, is very kind toward him. "This was one of the greatest among the Ferryman's virtues; He had mastered the art of listening," (Hesse 88). Listening to someone speak about their own troubles and never once stop or question them is not only an act of wisdom but also one of humility. Vasudeva did teach Siddhartha, however he also showed him how to act by simply listening to him go on about himself and his own problems. Govinda also showed Siddhartha love through humility by sticking with him through the end. Although their was a period of them being apart, they were always connected. "Perhaps this, that you (Govinda) are seeking all too much? That all your seeking is making you unable to find?" (Hesse 117). This line from Siddhartha explains how both him and Govinda were searching for each other all along but could never find each other. Govinda could have easily moved on and never though of Siddhartha again, yet he chose to keep believing.